Thats not very nice Duo
by READ ME
Summary: A very funny short story based on the episode where Duo rescues Hilde from the INVINCIBLE suits. Just read a few parts of it and tell me about it. (SOME LANGUAGE)


You're not very nice  
  
By READ ME! or Kali  
  
  
  
  
The scene takes place when Hilde was aboard the Libra and overhears  
Dorothy and Relena's conversation. I think it was the episode where   
Hilde was attacked by evil men... You should watch a tape or something   
of the episode again if you remember it hazily, it would be more funny  
if you did.  
  
  
  
Hilde is hiding behind the suit foot thing and is looking at Relena,   
she then tries to attract her attention when Dorothy leaves.  
  
Hilde: (Whispering) Hey, you!  
  
Relena doesn't notice her.  
  
Hilde: Hello!  
  
Relena is too busy fantasizing over Heero, so she doesn't notice Hilde.  
  
Resorting to desperate measures, Hilde picks up a wrench that she found  
on the floor and heaves it at Relena.  
  
Relena: (Turning around in time to notice wrench flying at her) What  
the...  
  
In PURE coincidence, the wrench hits Relena in the eye and Relena falls  
to the floor partially unconcious.  
  
Hilde: YES! Oh, I mean, DARN!  
  
When no one was looking, Hilde ran out and started dragging Relena with  
her to a room where no one could find her. After Hilde checked Relena's  
pockets for money, she goes to get a pitcher of water on a table nearby.  
  
Hilde: (Grumbling) You would suspect a princess to have money...  
  
After Hilde grabbed the water, she then tossed it onto Relena.   
  
Relena: HEY!  
  
Hilde: Oh, hi.  
  
Relena: (Rubbing her eye) Why on the heck did you throw a WRENCH at me?!  
  
Hilde: Well, at LEAST I don't fantasize over boys!  
  
Relena: Yes you do, you fantasize over Duo all the time!  
  
Hilde: (Looking away shamefully)  
  
Relena: What do you want?  
  
Hilde: I have top secret news...  
  
Relena: Well, what is it?  
  
Hilde: I was at your school for a while, and do you know what a group  
of girls said about you?  
  
Relena: What?  
  
Hilde: They said you were as fake as Britney Spears!  
  
Relena: WHAT?! I raised those little brats, and thats how they repay me?!  
  
Hilde: Yep, they are a bunch of little bitches ain't they?  
  
Relena: (Getting up) Well, I'll have a hitman kill em' all.  
  
Hilde: Good move...  
  
Relena: was there any specific reason you dragged me over here?  
  
Hilde: Other than that...no.  
  
Relena: Well, I think you should make your getaway right about now.  
  
Hilde: (Making her way toward the door) Sure. What was your name again?  
  
Relena then stands up and all the lights seem to go on her.  
  
Relena: (In a booming voice) My name is President Relena Peacecraft,  
soon to be Relena Yuy...  
  
Hilde: (Mumbling) You wish... I mean, Wow, you're president?  
  
Relena: Well, not yet, but I can just have Heero kill the real president  
and then I can be president.  
  
Hilde: Umm, well take care.  
  
Relena: (Flopping back down in chair) Okay.  
  
Hilde walks down the hallway, and runs into two guards.  
  
Guard: (Pointing gun at her) Who are you?  
  
Hilde: Umm, I am Miliano Skywalker. (After her lunch of Miliano cookies  
while watching Star Wars, Hilde couldn't think of anything else)  
  
Guard: Okay then, be on your way.  
  
Hilde walks past the guards, then runs to her Taurus thingy to fly off.  
After she is aboard the ship she flies off and shoots the Libra ship.  
Hilde then hysterically laughs as she sees Relena through the window  
throwing a tantrum because she almost shot her.  
  
Miliardo: (Wakes up from his nap) MAN! I was having the best dream too!  
I was just about to chop off Darth Vader's hand...what's going on anyway?  
  
Dorothy: (Rushes in room with Miliardo with blood dripping from her   
eyebrow) We're under attack!  
  
Miliardo: What happened to your face?  
  
Dorothy: WELL! If it wasn't for whoever shot us, I would be plucking  
my ugly mishapen eyebrows right now! And because of whoever attacked us,  
I stabbed myself in the eye with my tweezers!  
  
Miliardo: Ouch. You don't have much luck with sharp objects do you   
Dorothy? (Referring to fencing incident with Quatre)  
  
Dorothy: Send out the V8 splash and Mercuriousis!  
  
White fang whatever his name is dude with white hair and glasses: This  
is not a child's game!  
  
Dorothy: Very true, this is a war isn't it Mr. White Fang Man?  
  
White Fang man further known as Crap Man: Well, maybe... Why is she   
always bossing me around!  
  
Dorothy: Go get yourself some drugs old man! Now, send out those suits!  
  
Crap Man walks off to find some drugs while the V8 splash and   
Mercuriousis are sent out.  
  
Hilde: Oops, I guess Relena took it personally. IT'S THOSE SUITS!  
AAAHHHHH!!!!!!   
  
Hilde then sees a large laser beam shooting toward her and the Mercuriousis.  
She dodges it, but the mobile suit was fried.  
  
On the Libra, Dorothy was trying to find out who fired the Libra's cannon.  
She then realizes something...  
  
Dorothy: OKAY! Who decided it was a GOOD idea to give Crap Man speed?!  
  
Crap Man was enjoying himself by sitting on all of the control panels   
and laughing insanely. Some security guards go after Crap Man, but he   
is on speed, so what do you expect?  
  
Dorothy: (Getting out Pixy Sticks) Hey Crap Man! Come and get some!  
  
Crap Man sees the sugary sticks and jumps Dorothy, and then starts   
eating her hair.   
  
Meanwhile, the remaining suit is sent after Hilde and it starts   
shooting at her.  
  
Hilde: Hey! There's no way you can defeat me now!   
  
Hilde fires at suit and the shots then bounce off it's shield.  
  
Hilde: All right, so maybe there is a way you can defeat me now.  
  
The suit then shoots Hilde about 54 times, but Hilde refuses to lose.  
  
Hilde: I'll give this data to Duo AND the others! Just watch me...  
why am I talking to mobile dolls? Oh well, at least it is more   
interesting than a conversation with Furby. (Sends Duo a voice message)  
Peace Million! Do you read me! Peace Million! Duo, you little dick head!   
Where are you!? (Connection breaks up) GFLIAFPUFDHDGH!  
  
The V8 splash suit then fires up it's super-destroyer cannon of doom  
and aims it at Hilde.  
  
Hilde: EEEEEE! (A window then pops up on her screen) Hey, I got email!  
(Begins to write back to her friend)  
  
Dear Amy,  
I can't chat much right now because I am about to die. G2G now, see  
ya!  
  
-Hilde  
  
The suit then fires at Hilde in SLO-MO! Just enough time for Duo to get  
there! Yay! (All the fans of Duo wave their "DUO 4EVER" flags in Peace   
Million)  
  
Duo smiles and his teeth sparkle.  
  
Duo: Hilde, ya still alive? Cuz if you're not, I am going to loot your  
house and recylcle this suit when you're still in it!  
  
Hilde: Asshole.  
  
Duo: Yeh, I know you love me! Now let me take care of these guys!  
  
Hilde: Duo, you freak! You won't be able to beat it!  
  
Duo: Hilde, have a little faith in me!  
  
Hilde: You're taking this minister thing to seriously.  
  
Duo: We've talked about his Hilde, not now.  
  
Hilde rolls her eyes.  
  
Duo enihilates the suit with one swipe.  
  
Hilde: Well, THAT took long! No blood?!  
  
Duo: Hilde! Speak to me! HILDE!  
  
Hilde: Stop yelling into the intercom dickweed!  
  
Duo: (Starts crying)  
  
Hilde: Umm, I am glad you're safe.  
  
Duo: Yeah, but you're in terrible shape. You look like shit!  
  
Hilde: Oh, THANKS!  
  
Duo: Well look at yourself, you're ankle deep in blood!  
  
Hilde: (Noticing blood) Eww.  
  
Duo: (Gets evil smile) Hey Hilde...  
  
Hilde: What now, leave me alone!  
  
Duo: Ya wanna cyber?  
  
Hilde: NO! PERV! (Passes out from stress)  
  
Duo: Oh darn.   
  
Hilde is taken to Peace Million. After a large scuffle with Hilde not   
wanting to get undressed into the hospital gown, she finally gets in   
the gown and lies down on the bed. The doctor then pushes her over to   
Duo and the other pilots.  
  
Doctor: (Pushing along Hilde) DEAD BODY! COME AND SEE THE DEAD BODY!  
Pretty cool huh?  
  
Hilde: I am not dead!  
  
Doctor: Shut up before I give you an overdose of pills and make you dead!  
  
Hilde: (Groans)  
  
Duo: Hi Hilde! I brought you some flowers. They're plastic because I  
know you're allergic to flowers and if you sneeze, your ribs would   
probably collapse.   
  
Hilde: (Hands Duo Christmas card) Ands that for you for doing such a  
wonderful job of saving me.   
  
After Hilde is rolled off, Duo opens the card and reads it out loud. He  
later notices that some of the words were scribbled out and new words  
were drawn in.  
  
Duo: Okay, the original card says "Peace to you, and happiness too, on  
Christmas and forever." Hilde's version says "Crap to you, and lonliness  
too, on Christmas and forever." Thats strange.  
  
  
  
  
FIN!  
  
  
  
Author's note: Hey, can you believe I came up with this in one night?  
I think it is an accomplishment. It was originally going to be short,   
but it just ended up getting longer, and longer, and longer. I saw a   
rerun of it and was like "Man, that was a weird episode." So I took the  
chance to make fun of it. Meanwhile in my school a bunch of people   
are trading Gundam Wing cards and its becoming a cult and its really  
scary, but we won't go there for today... Hope you liked it!   
  
READ ME!  
or  
Kali  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
